my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
