@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
