i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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