Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
