omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
