Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
don't judge my taste in strippers
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
