I want to make a zoo with you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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