we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
