You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
