I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
