drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
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