How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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