I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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