In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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