Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
