Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
