As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
