I must be too annoying 4 u.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
