Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
