we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
