i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
