omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
