she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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