But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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