I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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