he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
