How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
