Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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