Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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