my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
