I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My breasts were aching with rage.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
