Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
