bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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