shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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