do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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