just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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