names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
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Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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