I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
