4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
