my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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