They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
