Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
