Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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