woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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