your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Everything about him screamed your future.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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