You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
