I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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