The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
