Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
