the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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