when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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