Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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