I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize