Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
