But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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