bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
