Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
