it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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