somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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