okay pat passed out under dana's car
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
