I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
