Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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