I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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