cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
