ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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