I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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