Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
