Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
