I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Randomize
