I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
