I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
