So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
