possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
