there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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