she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
