If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
