Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
