I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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