dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
