it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
try to milk me bitch
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