I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
