There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
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In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
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It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize