Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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