she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
