Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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