Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
