yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
