His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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