He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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